To Poor Little Mikey Nash:

Do you think maybe you're ready to care just a tiny bit about basketball again?
There's so much to be said, but I think it's your place, not mine.
Give me something deep to sit on for a while.

Yi in the Balance; Herb Kohl vs. The CCP

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2939260

So let me get this straight...the coach of the Guandong Tigers doesn't want Yi to play for the Bucks because he won't develop in Milwaukee? Now, one could make a case that Larry Krystkoviak (I'll learn to spell his name when he get's us to the playoffs) isn't the best teacher. That's fine. But to claim that it is because the Bucks have too many tall young players to fit Yi in, that seems ubsurd.

Here's a list of Bucks 6-9 and over:

Andrew Bogut
Dan Gadzuric
Ersan Ilyyasova
Damir Markota
Jared Reiner
Brian Skinner
Charlie Villanueva

Bogut starts at center, but I don't really think Yi is a center, and I don't think the Chinese National Team wants him to be "developed" at center. Brian Skinner is a backup center. If Yi is anywhere near as good as he has been represented to be, he should immediately leapfrog Gadzuric, Ilyasova, Markota (who?), and Jared Reiner (who?) on the depth chart. That leaves...Charlie Villanueva, who managed an impressive 39 games and 11.8 points last season, and is coming off arthroscopic shoulder surgery.

So, China, find me a team where the competition at power forward is softer than in Milwaukee. It's not like Yi is sitting behind KG or Amare here. He's got one injury prone and inconsistent power forward to compete with, and a bunch journeymen backing him up.

So let's call a spade a spade. Yi's handlers have an agenda for Yi. Some of it is about marketing. They want Yi jerseys to be flying off the racks in San Francisco or Sacremento or somewhere where they can capture the precious "Ichiro effect." They want big endorsement deals (and they want a big cut of those endorsement deals) and all the trappings of playing in a big market.

But there's more to it than that. Yi is a point of pride for a country that is all about its pride. China wants its respect. Its plunge from world's most venerable civilization for over two millenia (China's name, when literally translated, means "The Middle Kingdom") to a colonial possession divided into spheres of European influence in the early 1900's and Japan's private playground during World War II was a deep wound for this proud culture, and it certainly isn't something they are ready to let go of. Everything the Chinese government does now is with an eye toward establishing themselves as a nation to be revered. In some way, the CCP keeps its legitimacy in China not through democracy, but by being the gaurdians of China's international reputation. And sports are a part of that.

And so is Yi Jianlian. The Chinese want to be sure that Yi is successful, even a star. After all, what a point of pride it would be for a Chinese athlete to dominate an American game, and what a point of pride it would be for him to become a cultural icon in America. And let's face it, Milwaukee is not the place to become a cultural icon.

On some level, the Chinese are taking a very understandable position. In the view of the CCP, Yi, as a member of Chinese society, is not only an individual but also an asset, and if they give him up to foreign play (something they are under no obligation to do), they want the best return on their investment. But they don't just want dollars in return, they want success for Yi and all the glory that it will bring to the country where he cut his hoopster teeth. And they're not confident that that glory is forthcoming in the town of bratwurst, beer, and white guys named Gary.

For more on how the Chinese view their athletes, look at the hornet's nest that Yao stepped into:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2940570

So if the Chinese don't want Yi to play where he can't hear the ocean, fine, but let's not bullshit around about how he won't develop on the Bucks. Yi would get his tick in Milwaukee, the Bucks need a power forward in the worst way (for much of the season that post was occupied by the 6-5 Ruben "O.G." Patterson), and they would make every effort to develop a running mate for Bogut and one of the most promising frontcourts in the league. Does Chen Haitao really think the Bucks took Yi sixth in a dazzling draft to stick him at the end of the bench?

Mose Milkman + Lerry the Drumma Vol. 4

In the locker room... -->

Q: How Many Grizzlies Does it Take to Defend Kobe Bryant?

A: At least six...

The "White Assassin"?

Mike, I think we're going to need a translation on this one. As you can see, I've already made my guess.

Mose Milkman + Lerry the Drumma Vol. 3

Herb Kohl Commissions Construction of Robo-Yi

Sen. Herb Kohl (D-Wisc.), team owner of the Milwaukee Bucks basketball franchise, commissioned the construction of what he is calling a "Robo-Yi" to take the place of recent Bucks' draft pick Yi Jianlian should the Chinaman refuse to play for the ball club.

Kohl has committed his considerable financial resources to the project, vowing not to "let the Chinese run [his] team, nor [his] life." Robo-Yi will feature joints that rotate 360 degrees, laser-guided jump shot capabilities, extendable forearms, rocket-Nikes, and many other "amazing robo-features" not yet disclosed, according to Kohl.

In the event that real-life Yi ultimately chooses to play for Milwaukee, the Senator plans to use Robo-Yi as his personal servant.

Robo-Yi (artist's rendering)

Andrew Bogut Has Become A Man

According to Joseph Campbell, in certain ancient cultures, a boy became a man when he earned his name.
Watch the first 3 minutes of this video- until you peek at the backside.
I think Bogut might have just earned his Stimmnamme, or "true name".
It's not clear, however, what it should be. Here are a few suggestions: "The Ratt"? "Conviktt"? "Boy with a Horse's Dick"? "Necklace"? "Railroader"? "Jailyard"? "Stockyard"? "Lifer"? "The Parolee"? "Donkeyer"? "Our Clansman"? "Moron"? "Rape Crisis"? "The Swimma"? "Pure White"? "Dingleberry"? "Trasher"? "Trash-head"? "Human Trash"? "The Filthy Rubbisher"? "The Shitty Junker"?

Give some suggestions. Also, you should make it so Steve can post.

p.s. some more Yi shit.

Chauncey Billups and Michael Redd Would Be Sexiest Backcourt in NBA

Moustache rides, anyone?